An Open Letter to the President of the United States of America
I
Dear President Joe Biden,
Mr. President. I hope you are having a decent afternoon wherever you happen to be today. It’s been pretty nice here in Colorado the past few weeks. Used to be called an Indian summer. It’s more like September weather in October now. And September was like August. We’ll be fine here as long as the snow flies before the fires. At least paddle boarding is still an option. We may need to move Denver to about 7500’ next summer to keep comfortable. Might be easier to move the Institute headquarters again.
I’ll go ahead and get to it Mr. President. We have a little over a year before the 2024 election. And you know who is still frothing along with his 40%. I am actually a little surprised. I thought things like treason and insurrection were best remembered and honored with chess sets and PBS documentaries. Yet here we are again. Full disclosure here, The Mackeson Institute did endorse an Elizabeth Warren / Liz Cheney ticket late in 2021. We are in no way running away from the endorsement. Solid now as it was back then. We were also under the impression that you might not be interested in a second term in the cesspool of the current state of DC. One can only marvel at the depravity. That being said, The Mackeson Institute fully supports you and will lend our support at no charge to you throughout the campaign. The support will also be straight up without the use of our potent psychological operation capabilities. We have prepared an easily digestible list of items that should guarantee your reelection in this most important of elections. This one is important for the rest of the world too. Even smart and non-evil foreigners that hate the ole USA for various reasons agree with that statement at about an 82% rate based on our research. Here goes.
· Clarify whether a president can call up a militia to quell anything. This is assuming that the regular military has not been infiltrated or obliterated. Maybe you should go to the drawing board and present a more modern assessment of the duties and various necessities of having any sort of militia.
· Reassess the legality and necessity of the Presidential Pardon / Golden Ticket.
· Let’s go with a new perspective on war. Right now any president can slip our nation into quite the catastrophe on the down low. Raise the bar. Make presidential authority to unleash the dogs of war an act of the Executive and Legislative branches while allowing a review by the Judicial. Some may think this will make war difficult to wage. Temporary exceptions can be put in place for the necessary response of a military ground invasion from Canada or Mexico; a naval bombardment or beach head landing against any coastal state; air bombardment against any of the states to include DC. Attacks on foreign military bases and boats do not constitute an “Attack on US Soil”. The military will be given broad latitude to deal with the imminent threat but must present a case for total war to the three branches. A temporary exception may also be construed for the prevention of eminent genocide. This exception will be limited in time and scope with the continuation of war activities to be decided by the three branches.
· Reassess the legality and necessity of foreign military bases. The USA does not have to deal with drunken teenaged Brits elevated above the local law trying to screw our women. Why should other countries deal with ours? At least in times of peace.
· Reassess the legality and necessity of drone strikes in foreign countries. Once again, the USA does not have to deal with some teenaged Brit playing a video game from the safety of a cloudy island trying to kill one of our own baddies for the haranguing of their King.
· Use the CIA and FBI to locate all USA veterans of wars and conflicts to see how they are doing. If they seem to be doing well, give them a card with contact information in case something changes. If they seem a little squirrelly, do whatever the greatest nation in the history of the world would do for those that may have sacrificed their peace of mind for what they believed to be for the betterment of said nation. If veterans are homeless, get them a home. If they are broke, get them some type of salary or a cush job. Not because they are all heroes but because it is the least the military / industrial / congressional complex should do. This cost may be enough to make the more fiscally minded congressmen and ladies slower to slap on a flag lapel or hug a flag while voting for the next foreign excursion. Give them some new choices for hats too. Nobody needs to walk out the door in the morning with some type of horror on the top of their mind. WWII vets can wear any hat they choose.
· J6 veterans should be housed appropriately as well. They knew better.
· Decriminalize weed. No one needs to be held to some draconian state law due to the possession of medical marijuana edibles discovered packed in a back pack because one was pulled over twice in Texas on consecutive days for the third brake light being out. Anyone smoking a joint while driving in a moving vehicle should be subject to local DUI laws with the additional stupidity charge of 24 hours in a public stockade while soft fruits are thrown by school children. This is only to be implemented if drunk drivers are given 48 hours.
· This election will be hardball. Do not forget what happened the last time your team went with someone because it was their turn. You would have won that primary. You would have beat Trump in 2016 too. And then this whole “most important election ever” thing for 2024 would just be something used by campaign managers and pundits. The polls do not look good. I know they change but we seem to be through the looking glass as each indictment gives Trump a bump. Go for the win with all of your instinct and knowledge gained in your nine decades. I have no qualms with Vice President Harris. Qualminess seems to be on the mind of many swing voters. Switch it up if you need to. Be bold and snatch Liz Cheney from the ticket I created. She is the one person that could guarantee a victory in my opinion. You will not lose the vote of black women with this maneuver. The sting of losing another man to a blonde will fade after a few weeks and you would turn the suburbs across this country blue. Run the above military ideas past Liz first for standard vetting. Having someone read it while you watch her face may be best.
· Ignore left wing extremist. Listen to moderate extremists. Use right wing extremists properly.
· And this one. We cannot have any more Mitch Feinsteinish moments at the highest levels of government. I am aware of the fact as a nation we are not effective at keeping old and feeble people from driving once they are in fact a danger to society as a whole but this is different. The American people need assurances from their leaders that we are still getting what we voted for. The worst case of a swing and a miss with this was not invoking the 25th Amendment on the evening of January 6, 2021 to deal with the insanity of a fool. We all fade at some point. Assure the voters that ego will not override competence anywhere in your administration. Liz Cheney would be a good person for pointing out something like this.
Based on every simulation run by The Mackeson Institute, executing the above bullets will theoretically guarantee your reelection. Good luck out there.
Sincerely,
Mack Yaun
The Mackeson Institute
An Extreme Moderate Think Tank